Sometimes I long to go back to the days when the passage of time meant simply that, nothing more. Now it means so much more to me than just time marching forward. Thankfully, I'm long past the days when I kept track of each hour, day, and then week that passed, each one marking my loss. During those days I would wake each morning equally amazed and dismayed to realize I was still here, and that my heartache and loss hadn't disappeared during the night.
Today, 2 1/2 years after the day the world and my life as I knew it ceased to exist, I no longer mark time's passing with such sadness. As hard as it is knowing I've lived 2 1/2 years without my sister, I'm also at peace. As much as I can't stand cliches, it really is true that time helps heal all things. Not long ago I listened to this song by Mary Chapin Carpenter. The lyrics describe almost perfectly how I feel. The living, breathing, vibrant, funny, mercurial Julie that I knew is fading away, replaced with softer, faded memories of her no longer tinged with heartbreaking grief and sadness. I'm letting go, and that's okay.
This is for you Jules. Gone, but never forgotten...XO
Today, 2 1/2 years after the day the world and my life as I knew it ceased to exist, I no longer mark time's passing with such sadness. As hard as it is knowing I've lived 2 1/2 years without my sister, I'm also at peace. As much as I can't stand cliches, it really is true that time helps heal all things. Not long ago I listened to this song by Mary Chapin Carpenter. The lyrics describe almost perfectly how I feel. The living, breathing, vibrant, funny, mercurial Julie that I knew is fading away, replaced with softer, faded memories of her no longer tinged with heartbreaking grief and sadness. I'm letting go, and that's okay.
This is for you Jules. Gone, but never forgotten...XO
Beautiful post. Really beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI am simply amazed that my memories of my cherished lost loved ones have changed to gratitude for having had them in my life. So many wonderful moments that live in my heart will never ever go away. As hard as it is to believe, time does heal all wounds. My son has been gone for ten years now, and the pain only comes up hard on special anniversaries. Otherwise, I think of him with great love and fondness.
ReplyDeleteSending you a special hug...
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your family.
Love,
Jackie
I'm subbing at the high school today so I can't push play...don't want kids to know that IU'm not really working diligently at my computer! I'm so glad to hear that you've gotten to the place that allows you to enjoy your memories of Julie...what a challenging path you've walked to get there! Happy Holidays.
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful. I'm so grateful that you are at this place. You are healing. Julie would want that for you. I can't believe it has been so long since we lost her, and yet, at times, it seems so very long ago since we were graced with her presence. I'm also grateful that the pain has lessened so that we can look at the memories in a way that brings us joy.
ReplyDeleteNo one seems to find lyrics that better touch the soul than Mary Chapin Carpenter. It gives me joy to see you arrive at a new part of your life. One of peace and healing. Oh, what a gift time can give us if we will only open our hearts to accept it.
ReplyDelete