"Say what you have to say, and not what you ought."
~ Henry David Thoreau

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Suicide, Celebrity and Stigma

I've debated adding my voice to the thousands who have already written about the tragic suicide of Robin Williams. What more can I say that hasn't been said? Plus, sometimes I feel like a broken record when it comes to the subject of suicide. I imagine people rolling their eyes when they see another blog post about it. But then I reminded myself that I write this blog for me. My readers and the friendships that have come from it are a bonus. Writing helps me process. It's my own private therapy, even if I do make it public for the world to read and judge. I've also learned that I should never silence or edit myself when it comes to the subject of suicide. It's too important and I never know who is listening, or in this case reading, and may be helped by hearing about my personal experiences.

Hearing the news of ANY suicide devastates me. They all feel personal. Every. Single. One. Yesterday was no different. I heard the news shortly before I left work and called my sister as soon as I got in the car. She was weepy and sad. We didn't need to explain to each other why. There was no talk of how silly it was to mourn the death of a stranger. We know. We know the horror of that moment when the bottom drops out of your world. We know the  mind-numbing grief, the shock, the despair, the anger, the sadness, the questions, the guilt, the confusion, and the horrible, long journey the survivors left behind are just now beginning. As my mom said today in a Facebook post, "It all hits just too heartbreakingly close to home." 

Here is what else I know. There is still enormous stigma, judgement and misinformation surrounding suicide and mental illness. Although most of the comments, stories, blogs and news reports I've seen have been good and filled with positive messages, education and expressions of deep love, sympathy and compassion, I've also read some very awful, judgmental comments. I've tried to avoid those as much as possible. A clip posted today caught my attention. It was about a Fox News reporter who called Robin Williams a coward for committing suicide. I didn't watch the link because I choose not fill my mind with hateful comments from uninformed people. However, I did post this comment about it. 

"A perfect example of the kind of remarks that continue to stigmatize suicide and contribute to the many myths surrounding it. The only way to counter such uninformed comments is to shout the truth from the roof tops and drown out the voices of those who judge and spread misinformation. 

Robin Williams and so many others fought valiantly for years to stay alive. My sister fought a battle for her life for almost twenty years--a very fierce battle. She was exhausted, right down to her very soul, and in a weak moment with an unclear mind clouded by mental illness took her own life. Nobody, not a single living person, knows the personal battles and the toll they take on those who die by suicide. Judgement of them for losing the fight is absolutely wrong and shows a lack of compassion, not to mention a lack of facts about suicide."

I guess this post is my way of shouting from the roof tops. There will always be those who judge, are misinformed, uneducated, or just plain lacking compassion, empathy and understanding. I want the voices of those of us who know better to be louder than those who continue to contribute to the stigma surrounding suicide and mental illness. We must speak up. It really is a matter of life and death. 

I'm no expert on suicide. I only have my personal experience of living through the aftermath of the suicide of someone I dearly loved and the knowledge I've gained since then. But there are experts, people who have devoted their lives to studying the causes of suicide, mental illness, and the many contributing factors that can lead a person to choose to take their own life. Please help me share their knowledge. 

Here is a link to some very common myths vs. facts about suicide from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). Suicide: Myths vs. Facts. The media can also play an important role in educating the public about suicide. Unfortunately, in cases such as Robin Williams' and other celebrity deaths by suicide, the story is often reported in very irresponsible, destructive ways. Words matter, and often the words the media choose to use in reporting on suicide are dangerous triggers to individuals who may already be having suicidal ideations. If you want to learn more about this, here is a link to a statement released today by AFSP's Executive Director, Robert Gebbia. Unsafe Reporting on Suicide Can Cost Lives. If you see instances of irresponsible reporting about suicide by your local or even national media, I encourage you to contact the source of the story, and ask them to please be part of the solution to preventing suicides and use safe reporting practices. 

My sister's death changed my life forever. I miss her every day. I mourn the loss of her life, and I mourn the loss of all the hundreds of thousands of other lives lost to suicide. I grieve for her, for me, and for every other person coping with either their own struggle to stay alive, and those who are now learning to survive after losing someone to suicide. My sister is gone from my life forever. Sometimes I wonder how she would feel about me talking about her so much. Should I be using her death to help deliver a message I feel is so important? I don't know how she would feel about that. But it's what I have, so I share it. Her story is now my story. I'm going to use it in whatever way I can to hopefully save lives. 


  1. I wish this were not your story. I wish this were not our story. It is our story. We have been left to tell it. I am so proud of you for using your voice to stop the stigma and bring education and help and hope to others. I love you.

  2. Poignantly said....
    Hugging you from here.

  3. Thank you, Keicha -- for what you do to shout from the rooftops. Your story brings the tragedy of suicide into focus as something real -- not just about well known strangers or other people. We have come to know you and your family and through your words (and those of your mom) I have come to know Julie. Not the way you do, of course. I suspect there are parts of Julie no one knew, just as there are parts of all of us that are under the radar to the world. But she will always be real to me and all the impact of her death on her family will be real, too. My life has also been touched by suicide, though less directly than a family member. And I think no one is more qualified, more "expert" to shout it from the rooftops than one who has truly experienced it.

    I've been thinking of you -- and sending love.


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