Sharing on StoryCorps

Last fall Mike was contacted by a freelance reporter who was working in partnership with NPR's StoryCorps on a storytelling project for Atlantic Philanthropies. The project would tell stories in several areas of human rights, including deportation and the effect on children of immigrants living in the U.S. During their research for stories to  illustrate the issues they came across some newspaper articles that had been written about Isaac and Mike.

A few weeks later a team of two reporters came to town to interview the two of them. They recorded over two hours of interviews that would be edited and used in the final video. Several weeks after that, Harvey Wang, a photographer/videographer from New York came to Ogden to record video footage. 

Over two days he followed Mike and Isaac around, taking video of them doing a variety of everyday activities. On his last day here he came over for breakfast which was when we discovered he's a very talented photographer and filmmaker with an impressive portfolio of work. He's even won Emmy's! Who knew? Definitely not us, we just knew he was working on the project as a freelancer. 

We introduced him to O-town and its charms, and he kept us entertained with stories about his different projects. He even joined us for Salon Sunday with our group of friends from Foley's MMA Training Center. The group includes some MMA fighters, not the kind of guys you'd expect to find hanging out, drinking beer, and getting salon treatments. Salon Sundays aren't complete until we've had our nostrils waxed. I know, it sounds weird and painful, but don't knock it until you've tried it. After some cajoling, we convinced Harvey to give it a try. Yep, that was one of the Ogden highlights we had to share with the Emmy award winning artist from New York!

After he left we waited, and waited, to see the finished product. Around Christmastime a package arrived with CD's of Mike and Issac's complete interview, a thank you note and some pictures from Harvey. Still no finished project though.

Yesterday, curious and wondering why on earth we hadn't heard anything, I did some searching. Within minutes I found the video on the Atlantic Philanthropies website. As far as I can tell the entire project, which is being produced by a not-for-profit production company called LongHaul, isn't complete yet. But the video is. I think it's great! You can watch it here. 

A Promise Kept

In an earlier post (Modern Family) I wrote about Mike’s foster son Isaac. Yesterday I witnessed a milestone for Isaac that a year ago seemed like a nearly impossible dream. In a small office inside the U.S. Citizenship & Immigration Services building in Salt Lake City, with just a few official stamps, seals and signatures, Isaac became a permanent legal resident of the United States. After asking Isaac a list of questions and verifying a few things in his record, the immigration officer announced that he now had legal residency. I cried when he said those words, surprising myself with my emotional reaction.   

Isaac just after receiving his permanent residency status
February 1, 2012

When Mike first told me that the original plan for Isaac’s guardianship and care was falling through and that he intended to step in and become Isaac’s foster parent with the long-term goal of helping him obtain citizenship, he might as well have told me he was making plans to fly to the moon. Even though I agreed it was the right thing to do, I seriously questioned how he’d do it. Besides the hurdles involved in becoming a licensed foster parent on very short notice, his financial and work situations didn’t exactly lend themselves to providing for the needs of a teenager. Plus, the political climate in Utah and the country wasn’t one that made it easy for someone here illegally to gain legal resident status.  Isaac’s dad had already served 6 ½ months in jail for an unpaid traffic ticket and was being voluntarily deported to Mexico because of the unfriendly immigration policies in place. Mike met every one of my objections and questions about how exactly he was going to do it with the same answer.  “It’s the right thing to do. Sometimes there are more important things in life than money, material things and stability. I’ll make it happen.” 

By last February, Isaac Sr. already had a deadline for when he had to leave the U.S. His greatest wish was for Isaac Jr. to stay in Utah, pursue his promising boxing career, graduate from high school and hopefully someday gain citizenship. Because of Mike’s work with the Juvenile Justice Services (JJS) division he knows people from the Division of Child and Family Services (DCFS) and the Utah Foster Care Foundation. He quickly pulled together a core group of knowledgeable associates, asking for advice about options that would allow Isaac Jr. to stay. They suggested an action plan that was a long shot, but just might work. With Isaac Sr.’s deadline quickly approaching, Mike talked to him about the options. None of them were certain and they were all less than desirable to a father who deeply loves his only son. 

Isaac Sr. agreed that before leaving the country he would sign custody of Isaac Jr. over to the state of Utah, terminating his parental rights. Isaac Jr. would then be in the care of DCFS who would place him in foster care, hopefully with Mike.  First, though, Mike had to become a licensed foster care provider. Although Isaac Jr. was then living with Mike, once he was in DCFS custody he couldn’t stay there, and would have to move into a state shelter. 

I wasn’t there the day Isaac Sr., Mike, Isaac Jr. and other state officials met at DCFS offices for Isaac Sr. to sign the papers placing Isaac Jr. in the state’s custody, but Mike says it was heart wrenching. I’ve thought a lot about Isaac Sr. and how much courage, blind faith and trust he showed that day, turning over the care of his son to someone he barely knew based on a handshake and a promise. As a parent, I don’t know if I could do the same thing, especially with the knowledge that I may never see my child again. 

Isaac Jr. lived for a month in a JJS shelter until Mike was granted a provisional foster care license and he was able to move back into Mike’s house. Shortly after that, Isaac Jr. had a juvenile court hearing, with his caseworker, guardian ad litem and social worker by his side.  After hearing the facts of his case, the judge determined that sending him back to Mexico wasn’t in his best interest, granting him what is called Special Immigrant Juvenile Status.  Remembering that day in the courtroom puts a smile on my face. It was hard not to jump up clapping and cheering in the courtroom! As soon as I heard the judge say those words I knew the first major hurdle had been cleared. The plan that until then had seemed like a long shot might really work. 

Life settled into more of a routine after that, with DCFS officials and Isaac Jr.’s caseworker advancing his legal case behind the scenes. When I say life settled into a routine, it was far from a bed of roses. The challenges were many. Mike worked constantly in order to keep up. It wasn’t unusual for him to work back-to-back shifts some weekends, between his two jobs sometimes going 20-30 hours straight without sleep. Our work schedules are almost always opposite, so we’re often like two ships passing in the night. I tried to pick up the slack when Mike was working. Like a typical mother, I worried about Isaac not eating enough and if he was getting his homework done. The grind of work and childcare took its toll on our relationship. We started morphing into the all too common married dynamic of being exhausted and on edge from the constant work, childcare, household pressures and money worries, and we weren’t even married or living together! I was still reeling from the effects of my sister’s suicide, often depressed, anxious and frequently discouraged. It was hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. As much as I tried to be supportive, sometimes it was all too much and I lashed out in anger, expressing my frustration at everything being so damn hard and complicated. Things that I believed needed to happen in order for us to have a shot at a secure, long-term future were put on the back burner. 

Mike constantly encouraged me not to get hung up on the everyday stresses and to keep my eye on the prize. Luckily, once in a while his words sunk in. That combined with the times the four of us were together, cooking, eating, laughing, talking, or when I was doing dishes while Gillian and Isaac talked and did homework together, enjoying and teasing each other like siblings, or the moments I would secretly watch Isaac with my dogs, telling them how good they were, playing with them like a carefree kid, reminded me that I needed to keep trying. Our day would come. What mattered now was taking care of Isaac, providing him with some semblance of family, security and stability.

I guess that’s why I got so emotional yesterday when the immigration officer said Isaac was now a legal resident and would be eligible to apply for citizenship in five years. Somehow, against seemingly impossible odds, it had worked. Through sheer determination, stubbornness, hard work and much personal sacrifice, Mike had honored his promise to Isaac Sr.  Isaac Sr. had the faith in Mike that I had sometimes lacked. The magnitude of it all hit me. He’d done it!

Mike & Isaac having lunch at one of Mike's favorite spots

Mike says he did what anyone would have done; he was just in the right place at the right time. I’ve told him he’s wrong. There were plenty of others who were there and saw the need. He’s the only one that stepped up and took the risk. The day he looked Isaac Sr. in the eyes, shook his hand and promised to do right by his son, he meant it. No matter what else he does in his life, this is something he can always be proud of. If I could, I’d shout his accomplishment from the rooftops for the whole world to hear. Because of his efforts Isaac has a shot at the American Dream. He’s no longer destined to living a life in the shadows, working at menial jobs for employers that pay under the table, fearful of being pulled over for a minor traffic violation and then deported. He should now be able to compete at the Golden Glove level in boxing. Soon he’ll graduate from high school and go to college.  Most importantly, Mike made sure Isaac Sr.’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain. Someday in the near future, Isaac Jr. will be able to cross the border into Mexico and father and son will be reunited. Is there a better ending than that? 

Master carpenter and his apprentice
Summer 2011

Mike, Isaac & Justin Roberts at Foley's MMA Gym

Isaac getting ready to hit the bag at Foley's.

Isaac shows off his 1st place medal in
Regional Skills USA competition - January 2012

Modern Family

When I met Mike he was footloose and fancy-free—an unattached, single man in his late thirties with no children, a rarity in Utah. With my shared custody arrangement for my daughter, I often have four day/five night stretches free from the daily tasks and responsibility of mothering.  For several months we enjoyed days on end of fun, frivolous time together, just the two of us enjoying each other’s company, doing what we wanted when we wanted.  In many ways it seemed like we were in a charmed, protected little bubble. Little did I know how dramatically things would change.   

Most people who know me also know that Mike now has a foster son, Isaac.  Newspaper articles published earlier this year tell the story about how he came to be in Mike’s care.  To read them, click on these links. Expected Step, Fighting to Become an American Citizen. 

Going from being childless to being responsible for a 17-year old boy is a huge change.  Fortunately, Mike is very laid back and pretty much takes everything in stride. Isaac is similar, which is probably due to his upbringing, and the fact that he had to learn to roll with the punches early in life. Things have definitely changed from the early days of our relationship, with more than a few bumps in the road due to the many challenges that come with making the abrupt shift from being childless to having a teenager.  I have to admit that at times I’ve been less than supportive, and have been discouraged by the many hurdles due to Isaac’s lack of citizenship. Not having legal status hampers his ability to legally work, making him dependent in ways most American teenagers his age aren’t.  Along with the challenges though, there have been many fun times and new experiences shared. Isaac is a hard worker, and a compassionate, caring person, who rarely, if ever, complains. He’s also just plain fun to be around. I’ve been able to re-experience many things that have become commonplace to me as Isaac discovers them for the first time.

Dinner the other night is a great example.  It was a pretty ordinary meal of chicken salad with blue cheese dressing (No offense to the cook for calling it ordinary.  Like everything Mike makes, it was beautifully presented and very tasty).  Even though it was an unremarkable meal for us, it marked another first for Isaac.  He’d never had blue cheese dressing before!  Mike teased him about blue cheese being what sophisticated people eat. Not that Isaac cared; he just thought it tasted good. The rest of the dinner was spent talking and laughing about the many new experiences Isaac’s had, some good, some not so good, like the Wasabi peas Mike goaded him into trying.  Those definitely fall into the “Dislike” category, and I think Isaac still holds a bit of a grudge for being tricked into trying them. 

Here’s a short list of just some of the new things we’ve experienced together this past year

• Sushi – the verdict is still out on this.  Isaac ate more than one roll, but he didn’t rave about the meal. 
• S’mores – I had no idea that Isaac hadn’t had them before, which explains his lack of enthusiasm when we talked excitedly about making them around the fire pit one night early this summer.
• Driver’s license – this was more a formality than anything else.  Like most teenage boys, he’s very comfortable driving a car. 
•  Quinceañera – this was kind of a first for all three of us.  Isaac performed traditional Mexican dances at the celebration, and Mike and I attended our first Quinceañera.  
• Stadium concert – The bar may have been unintentionally set a little high by taking Isaac to see U2 for his first stadium concert experience.
• Cooking for a date – Mike taught Isaac his go to “cooking to an impress a lady meal” of Chicken Alfredo with Bananas Foster for dessert.
• Corn in a cup, sliced mango with chili powder and Sopes with cooked pigskin – Isaac treated us to traditional Mexican snacks one evening.  Mike and I were good sports and took one bite of the Sopes with cooked pigskin, but refused to eat more.   
• BLT’s – again I was perplexed at his lack of enthusiasm for this summer favorite using fresh garden tomatoes.  After having a bite, Isaac asked what was on the sandwich.  He’d never had a BLT before!

Isaac performing at the Quinceañera

Me, Mike and Isaac at U2 Concert

Homework Time

Isaac's First Sushi Meal

This list is off the top of my head.  I’m sure there are many others that I’m forgetting.  There have also been some unpleasant firsts.  Isaac had to say goodbye to his dad, sending him back to Mexico with the knowledge that he may never see him again.  He also spent just over a month living in a Juvenile Justice Services shelter while waiting for Mike to be approved as his temporary foster parent.  For the past year he’s experienced so much upheaval and change. His resilience and good nature through it all has been amazing to watch.

For the first time I’ve experienced subtle, unspoken racism.  It’s funny how people are so supportive when they hear about Isaac, but when confronted with interacting with him in their familiar, middle-class, Caucasian-filled environment most pretend that he doesn’t exist.  Maybe they’re uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say? I could go on about racial stereotypes, but that’s a topic for another post.  On the positive side, I’ve watched a friendship develop between my daughter and Isaac, something that’s been very fun to watch.  They tease and support each other much like siblings do. Sometimes, Isaac takes Gillian to the Mexican market for a snack of fresh mango with chili powder. Many evenings they’ll both be at my kitchen table doing homework with the puppies snoring beneath their feet. I love those nights! I also love the nights all four of us eat dinner together, teasing, laughing, and making fun of the cultural differences and misunderstandings that frequently happen with us. Sometimes Isaac tries to teach me a Spanish word, but he usually ends up shaking his head at the futility of it. 


On our first date, Mike promised that if I spent much time with him I’d be pushed out of my comfort zones.  He wasn’t kidding!  I never could have foreseen the many challenges and uncomfortable situations I’ve faced over the last 17 months.  Sometimes I want to go back to that time when it seemed I was in a safe, protected bubble, but I know that isn’t possible.  Life happens, not always the way we think it will.  I’m trying to roll with the punches and enjoy all the new experiences I’m having, but mostly I’m trying to focus on gratitude.  Gratitude for Mike, for Isaac, for my daughter, and for the connection we all share. 


Not long ago I walked into the kitchen to find the three of them with their faces buried in their phones.  I started to say “Is this modern day family time?  You’re together but ignoring each other because of your electronic devices?”  I stopped myself before I said family.  Then it occurred to me. We are a family. Maybe not in a traditional sense, but we do what I think families should do.  We care for each other, we help and support one another, we share the good times and the bad, and we offer shelter from the storm, both literally and figuratively.  We try to instill knowledge and values in our children, hopefully giving them the skills they need to live life successfully as adults. I never imagined this is what getting out of my comfort zone would look like, but I’m glad I took the challenge.     

Mike and I - April 2011