Hope*writers journey – Day 1
Writing prompt: New
I’m trying to
adjust to a new normal in my life.
Just over a
month ago my daughter became unwell and was hospitalized. She was diagnosed
with a serious, chronic mental illness. Suddenly, we were thrust into a new,
unknown world. I was despondent after hearing her diagnosis and nearly
paralyzed with fear and worry about her and her future.
How does a
mother accept hearing such news about their child? How do I learn to live with this
new normal?
More
importantly, how can I best support her as she learns to accept and live with this
new diagnosis? My instinct is to protect and to take charge. I’m the mom and I’ll
make this better for her. But I can’t. This isn’t something I can control and take
charge of. I don’t like feeling so powerless. I feel cheated, sad, angry, and
guilty. So much guilt. It’s a disease with a genetic basis, after all.
I’m in
mourning. For her. For me. For the life I hoped and imagined she might have. She’s
on a new, more complicated path in life now, and not one she chose. As scared as I am, she must be
even more so. My feelings of loss and fear are nothing compared to what hers
must be. My overwhelming emotions are nothing compared to what she is going
through. She is trying to learn how to live with a brain that isn’t always
going to function in ways that will make life easy for her.
I do know this
is her journey and her path to walk, not mine. My job is to be there to hold
her hand when she needs support and guidance along the way. Supporting her will
require a level of wisdom and patience I don’t yet have. Those are new skills I
will need to acquire. I’ll also have to work on building my own strength and
emotional resiliency.
We both have
our work cut out for us. There will be some bumps and detours along the way, I’m
sure. There already have been. There are many new things to learn and absorb. I
know things will get better. It is a very treatable illness that can be managed
quite successfully with medication and therapy. My daughter is strong, smart,
creative and capable. I have confidence she will learn how to take this new, unasked
for gift (the word she prefers to use rather than disease) and manage it in a
way that allows her to continue on her path to a bright, fulfilling future.
New, unexpected
things in life aren’t always asked for or well received. Surprises aren’t
always pleasant. Time, experience and perspective can bring acceptance.
Eventually, what was once new and unwelcome can become something familiar and appreciated, as well as a source of strength and happiness.
