A New Normal

Hope*writers journey – Day 1 

Writing prompt: New

I’m trying to adjust to a new normal in my life.

Just over a month ago my daughter became unwell and was hospitalized. She was diagnosed with a serious, chronic mental illness. Suddenly, we were thrust into a new, unknown world. I was despondent after hearing her diagnosis and nearly paralyzed with fear and worry about her and her future.

How does a mother accept hearing such news about their child? How do I learn to live with this new normal?

More importantly, how can I best support her as she learns to accept and live with this new diagnosis? My instinct is to protect and to take charge. I’m the mom and I’ll make this better for her. But I can’t. This isn’t something I can control and take charge of. I don’t like feeling so powerless. I feel cheated, sad, angry, and guilty. So much guilt. It’s a disease with a genetic basis, after all.

I’m in mourning. For her. For me. For the life I hoped and imagined she might have. She’s on a new, more complicated path in life now, and not one she chose. As scared as I am, she must be even more so. My feelings of loss and fear are nothing compared to what hers must be. My overwhelming emotions are nothing compared to what she is going through. She is trying to learn how to live with a brain that isn’t always going to function in ways that will make life easy for her.

I do know this is her journey and her path to walk, not mine. My job is to be there to hold her hand when she needs support and guidance along the way. Supporting her will require a level of wisdom and patience I don’t yet have. Those are new skills I will need to acquire. I’ll also have to work on building my own strength and emotional resiliency.

We both have our work cut out for us. There will be some bumps and detours along the way, I’m sure. There already have been. There are many new things to learn and absorb. I know things will get better. It is a very treatable illness that can be managed quite successfully with medication and therapy. My daughter is strong, smart, creative and capable. I have confidence she will learn how to take this new, unasked for gift (the word she prefers to use rather than disease) and manage it in a way that allows her to continue on her path to a bright, fulfilling future.

New, unexpected things in life aren’t always asked for or well received. Surprises aren’t always pleasant. Time, experience and perspective can bring acceptance. Eventually, what was once new and unwelcome can become something familiar and appreciated, as well as a source of strength and happiness.