10 Years

So much changes in a decade. Ten years ago today I woke up in my mom's house in Pueblo, Colorado. My daughter and I were spending Easter weekend there. 

It was a perfect, warm, sunny April day on that morning ten years ago and we were having a party! Before the party prep started, we enjoyed a lazy morning together around the kitchen table. Oh how I loved mornings at mom's table with my sisters.This photo shows Aunt Julie with her nieces and nephews. They were never far from her side. Her evil eye was probably directed at me for taking her photo when she wasn't ready for the day.

While the party prep happened, Aunt Julie gave some driving lessons to Mason. I don't remember why anyone thought it was a good idea to let an 11-year old behind the wheel! I think he was backing the car out of the driveway for Julie. Of course we all assumed this would be the first of many driving lessons she would give him. We didn't know it would be the first and the last.

There was lots to do to get ready. Soon there would be 12 grandkids swarming the house hungry for food, Easter treats and fun. Grandpa Jim had made sure there would be plenty of eggs full of candy for everyone. We hid 116 eggs in the backyard for our Easter egg hunt! 

The kids went off for a walk with Grandpa and Julie while the rest of the adults hid eggs. This will forever be one of my favorite photos from that day.

 

Happily, we were able to get all of the kids and the two dogs together for a photo before they headed off for their walk. 

 The kids made quick work of finding all the eggs we'd hidden for them.

Here they are showing off their bounty. This photo is a reminder of how quickly time flies. It's shocking to realize the young adults I know now are the same children in this photo. Today, several of them are either in college or already college graduates, and more than a few are married.

Grandpa Jim made sure everyone had enough sugar that day! After we all ate grilled hamburgers and hot dogs he passed out dessert.

  Then it was off to the trampoline to burn off some of the sugar energy. 

These three cousins, Hannah, Mason, and Gillian, took a break from the action to sample their Easter egg hunt bounty.

We also had a red velvet cake that day to celebrate our April birthday babies. Here are the birthday honorees together so the family could sing Happy Birthday to them.

The rest of the afternoon was spent enjoying the sunshine. Julie didn't like to have her picture taken, but she did let me snap a few photos of her that day. She's wearing my orange shirt. For some reason, whenever we were together she like to borrow my clothes. 

She was quiet that weekend. Present, but not. She seemed distracted and far away at times. I wish I'd asked her more questions about where her head was. I wish I'd known what signs to look for.

 

Phoenix, her faithful Yellow Lab, was never far from her side. 

 

  

Mom took these photos of Julie and I, and the three of us sisters. I remember my happiness that day.The sun was shining. Spring had arrived after the long, dark cold days of winter. We were laughing and enjoying each other. Life was good.   

 

Julie playfully took my hat from me and put it on. Mom captured the moment right after. 

That night Hannah, Mason and Gillian colored eggs while the rest of us relaxed.

 

The next day was Easter. It was a leisurely morning. I was training for the Ogden Half Marathon later that spring and needed to get my Sunday long, easy run in. Julie joined me for my 6-miler. We ran through the streets of Pueblo, a place she'd moved to in high school, the new girl at a new school. She shared stories of her life from that time that I'd never heard before. I learned things about that period of her life I'd never known. The miles went quickly with her by my side. The memory of us stretching out together on the front lawn afterward is still so vivid for me. I miss her so much. I'd give anything to have her join me for a long Sunday run again. 

We all shared an early Easter dinner together before Amy, Julie, and the kids and I drove back to Erie, Colorado together. I loved my mom's cheery yellow kitchen in her house in Pueblo. It always felt like home to me, despite having never lived there. I never would have imagined it would be the last time we'd all share a meal together there.

Just six weeks later Julie was gone forever.  

Ten years. A decade without my sister. I don't know how many days add up to a decade. I do know I've missed Julie every day for the last 10 years. 

I'm still amazed sometimes that I've survived. Losing her shattered me. It took away my hope. Since then I've had to rebuild myself one tiny step at a time. Luckily, there were so many people who lifted me up and helped me find the way. They helped me see there is light at the end of the darkest days. They showed me there is always hope.

Easter will be full of memories and emotions for me this year, as it has been each Easter the last ten years. As the years go by, my memories of our last Easter together are beginning to fade. I'm thankful I can look back on photos of that day to help me remember. 

I miss you Jules. Thanks for the memories.